The end of an era

Hello friends! I know I don't blog that often but I wanted to let you know that I won't be adding any more to this blog since I have transferred to http://thebrandnewzealand.blogspot.com/

I'm starting a new chapter of life down near the 45th parallel and would love if you came along. :)

Happy blogging to all.

Metaphors, analogies, and poems

Since when did I crave this mysterious language? I grew up with an intuitive father that wrote sermons in the form of metaphors and poems and taught me life lessons through analogies. Throughout the years I have had a handful of close friends that can delve into a discussion that consists entirely of these cryptic languages and yet will have the deepest meanings for our lives.

Not all have a love for this type of thought. They find it superfluous and weak to speak in such a way. "Just say what you mean," they say. Meaning requires much more than words... there are thoughts and dreams and connections to other worlds behind what we say in this vernacular.

I miss those conversations with my NF friends.

"Cool summer nights with whimsical breezes awaken my adventurous spirit and make me want to fly away..."

Air

Another day at the beach, sand between her toes, salty air on her lips. She is familiar with the ocean. Diving through the waves she feels the water enveloping her body. The feeling is exciting and she tells herself that she could somehow make it work to live in the sea.

...and then it hits. Slamming her down into the ocean floor, forcing her into sand and reef, the power of the wave gives her a dreadful feeling. She is reminded of the heaviness that comes with swimming in the waves. As she tumbles in chaos looking for light she realizes she has run out of breath. Struggling to put her feet back on the ground she bursts through the surface of the water and air rushes into her lungs. Oh the joyous feeling of life re-entering her cells!

She has been through this experience too many times, telling herself she could inhabit the ocean and learn to live in its unpredictable world but is always reminded that her lungs are not compatible with this ecosystem and her spirit cannot take the beatings. Today she walks away from the sea with a great respect for it, takes a deep breath of fresh air and is thankful.

Go outside and play!- A few of my favorite things.

I've never been much of a shopper except when it comes to outdoor gear. When I find something good it becomes like gold to me! Just wanted to share four things that changed my life outdoors!

The REI Taku Rain and Wind Jacket

This durable and waterproof jacket has a feminine fit and the fabric on the back is silky soft. It's not bulky and isn't meant to be warm but makes a great outer layer for those windy/rainy days.
Perks:
The sleeves are long for tall girls
The colors are cheerful for those rainy days
It's made by REI so the price is better than big name brands
Note:
I'm normally a medium but a small fit me best. I suggest trying one on!

Five-Ten Approach Shoes


My first experience with 5-10s were in New Zealand. We were making our way down Sleeping god's canyon and my feet were sticking to mossy wet rocks. Normal tennis shoes and most hiking shoes don't have the grip that these shoes do. It could be that Five-Ten uses the same stealth rubber on these as their rock climbing shoes. I'm continually amazed at my ability to walk down almost vertical faces when bouldering or hiking. I cannot praise these shoes enough! I would recommend these as a hiking shoe to anyone, anyday!
Perks:
Many styles, male and female
Comfortable
They are Amphibious- certain shoes are made especially for water
They give you a whole new confidence when climbing on rocks because you trust your feet
The Five-Ten outlet store is right here in Redlands, CA
Notes:
I bought a whole size up.
They tend to run smaller than normal and you want that extra space for hiking.

Camelbak Day Star pack

Lugging a water bottle up a mountain is no fun especially when you also want to carry snacks and a base layer for later. This little pack is the perfect size for lunch, a warm layer, 2 liters of water, and all the other little necessities you need on a hike or bike ride (compass, pocket knife, chapstick, and sunscreen). I love having my water easily accessible on a bike and the size isn't too bulky. I've actually started taking this everywhere as it fits my school books and has now become my purse.
Perks:
Very comfortable
Comes with a water bladder
The price was right on Amazon when I found this one.
Notes:
This is a girls pack and doesn't have a waist strap if that's a necessity for you

Merino Wool


This is the next best thing to being naked...unless it's cold outside, then it is the best!

These sheep got it good! Their wool keeps you warm (even when you get soaked), wicks away sweat, and doesn't hold odor. My favorite thing about it is, it's NOT ITCHY! This stuff is oh so comfy! I can't bring myself to put on cotton socks anymore as they hold sweat and cause blisters. Smartwool socks rock my world! As for baselayers- Icebreaker, Backcountry, and Smartwool all make great different merino base layers. So whether you are on top of a glacier or in the desert this stuff is amazing!..better than polyester, polypropylene, capilene, silk, and gold!

I don't understand yet

"I dreamed about going to the beach with my wife like we used to." he said. The nurse was pulling off the yellow fluid soaked dressing from the largest pressure ulcer I have ever seen. The woman's buttocks were nearly gone and bone was visible amongst the red emaciated tissue and serous fluid oozing from the wound. Being a paraplegic, she couldn't control her bladder. This meant urine was constantly soaking her underwear and giving her an additional rash around the ulcer. She also had a colostomy bag attached to the side of her stomach.

I asked them how they met and both of their eyes lit up as they took turns telling the story of how she used to walk by his desk at work and he would wave at her until one day he asked her to breakfast. They spent their early years together biking, swimming, and fishing at Catalina island.

Now...
He spends his days taking care of her. Changing and dressing her wounds, emptying the poop from her colostomy bag, taking her to doctors appointments.

They have been married 25 years and he still looks at her with love in his eyes.

How to make a friendship.

What's the key? The equation for making a friend and keeping a close bond of love and trust? This is what I have decided from experience.

(You + A person you like) + spending at least 15 min together x 5 days a week x 1 year = close friendship

me, myself, and I

I've been off kilter it seems for a week or so now.
I'm just now realizing it but it has been brought to my attention by those closest to me.
Friends, family asking,
"What's wrong?...You don't seem like yourself."
I'm not sure what's wrong but I feel unrest inside my soul.

I guess when I sit back and think about it, there is a lot going on that I'm not addressing.
Grad school is almost over.
Boards come next and I should be lining up job interviews.
But where will I go?
My parents are relocating. I don't have strong ties anywhere.
My relationship with God is not much of a relationship right now.
It has been a while since we talked.
Art.
It used to be a part of me but not recently.
Feeling inadequate.
Not feeling myself.

I've read that for NFs (idealists) it's highly important for their inner compass to be on track,
for them to be in line with their morals and beliefs.
Where did my compass go?

be back soon

On Fear and Freedom

The first necessity for freedom is that there should be no fear--not only the fear imposed by society but also the psychological fear of insecurity. If there is ambition, if there is the struggle to be somebody, does that not entail fear? And does that not imply that he who is very successful is not truly free? So fear imposed by tradition, by the so-called responsibility of the edicts of society, or your own fear of death, of insecurity, of disease--all this prevents the true freedom of being, does it not? Freedom is not possible if there is any form of outward or inward compulsion which comes into being when there is the urge to conform to the pattern of society, or the pattern that you have created for yourself, as being good or not good. As long as the mind is seeking any form of security--and that is what most of us want--as long as the mind is seeking permanency in any form, there can be no freedom.
--J Krishnamurti, Poona 1953.

I heard it recently said that the motivating factor behind legalism is fear not love. Are we not asked to fear God? Or does that mean respect God? I find love to be more motivating than fear. Sure, fear works to motivate too but which should be fueling us? Is it wrong to use fear? Sometimes fear works better than love (e.g. children doing chores). There is also the reward system. Do you do things because you are free to do them, because you love doing them, because of the consequences if you don't, or because of what you will get out of it? What motivates you and do you feel free?

I now pronounce you...

My mom always says to me,
"When I was young, we didn't have books and conversations about marriage
the way your generation does."

analyze analyze analyze...

What are you looking for in a marriage partner?
Or
What were you looking for if you are already married?

These are frequent bits of advice I hear...

Marry your best friend.
Commitment is the key.
You have to "like" the person, not just love them.
There must be physical chemistry.
You should have the same values and beliefs.
Know each others' love languages.
Find someone with similar dreams.
Date for at least two years.
It doesn't matter how long you date.
You will just "know."
Arranged marriages often last longer than chosen ones.
Marry someone you can "play" with.
Find someone that will support you no matter what.
Marry up.
Consider their family...because you "marry" them too.
Is their personality type compatible with yours?
Don't get married. It's too much work.
Get married! It's awesome!


What picture is painted in your head of marriage?
A partnership
Best friends
A business deal
King and servant
Queen and waterboy
Debate team
Two random people sharing a house
Lovers
Adventurers
Givers
Takers
Teammates
???

Perfect Partner

Ahh Friday! I breathed in the warm evening air as I stepped out of my car and was greeted by my housemate, Felicia in the driveway. It had been a long day at work and my running shoes were calling my name. Within five minutes, Felicia and I were in our work-out clothes and pounding the pavement. Thought-provoking conversation is never lacking with us. The sun had gone behind our hill but we we could see it flooding the hill across the valley. We chased it till we had conquered the small mountain overlooking our town. The sky was warm with color and Sabbath was upon us. Near the house we discussed the perfect dinner for that evening and decided on a gourmet salad and smoothies. Making a quick dash to the store together, we were soon home in the kitchen. I fixed the meal while Felicia cleaned up the kitchen and lit candles for our dinner. After we ate, we moved the candles upstairs to the big spa tub and threw on swimsuits for a long soak. We took turns reading some of The Last Battle from the Chronicle of Narnia and played with little bath beads. As I sat there reflecting on the night I burst into laughter. What a perfect way to bring in the Sabbath...If you are married!!! ...I guess for now though, Felicia is perfect company for Friday evenings. :)

3:30 today

About a year ago I took a nap at 3pm and set my watch to wake me up at 3:30. For some reason I never changed it... So every day at the same time, my watch reminds me it's still working and that moment gets burned in my memory.

I decided to keep track of those 3:30 moments last week.

Friday- Suturing a skin graft into an old man's face where we cut out some cancer. He is paralyzed on his right side because 23 years ago he was walking out of a theater in Baltimore where a lady dropped her purse and a loaded gun inside of it went off and shot him in the head. The bullet is still in his skull and the woman was only fined $125.

Sabbath- Throwing a football with Larissa in the park surrounded by orange groves, the smell of citrus wafting in the air. The sun is shining, her dog Mosey is barking at a squirrel, and life feels sweet.

Sunday- Just hopped on a cruiser bike along side 8 friends for a ride down the boardwalk at Mission bay. It's crowded but the ocean and sunshine make up for it and dodging people becomes like a game.

Monday- In the derm clinic cutting off 13 moles from a woman's left leg. This lady is covered in moles but has a very beautiful face. She looks young for her age (29). I was surprised when she said she's been married 11 years... and inspired when she admitted she still gets excited to see her husband at the end of each day. I hope my marriage is like that.

Tuesday- I'm standing in a closet...hiding myself. I just walked in on the doctor and his mail-order bride from Russia at a very awkward moment.

Wednesday- Standing in room with 3 elementary-age kids and their mother. The boy is being treated for warts on his fingers. His sisters are decked out in everything green. They are the only people I've seen today that remembered St. Patrick's day.

Thursday- Talking to a beautiful 35 yo woman who is about to pay $600 for Botox injections. She is doing it secretly behind her husband's back but then makes the comment, "He probably won't even notice."

Possibilities

Somehow I ended up with 5 days off in a row.
My initial thought was, "I'll fly home to Oregon and surprise the fam."
This idea was dashed when I realized I am a student with no income.
So the next best thing is free...
Here is the list of things I plan on doing during my mini vacation:

Clean the whole house for the roommates
Sleep under the stars in my backyard
Paint
Go to the ocean and breathe the sea air
Frame a painting my sister made me
Make 2 new journals
Read
Set up my slackline in the park and welcome onlooking children to try it
Go to church
Send homemade cards to loved ones
Cook something new
Work on my portfolio
Study...a little
Spend quality time in the hot tub with my housemates
Take Larissa's dog for a run
Mail Ansley's Christmas present...finally
Paint a landscape from my New Zealand trip
Have a long conversation with God
Get my haircut
Dance

Letting it go

"You're still holding my favorite balloon" she whispered.
"I was just borrowing it" he replied.
"I know" she said, "You can keep it if you want."
He looked at her with kind eyes and let the string slip through his fingers.

They come in 3s

Last Week:

1. My housemate, Felicia, lost her darling Grandma. Emotional recovery will take a while.

2. My dad lost his job. Being a small Adventist school that is not thriving in this economy they had to cut out the high school. Unfortunately my dad is the high school teacher. I'm confident he can get hired again...if there are jobs out there. I'm ready for some economic recovery.

3. There isn't a 3. ...but isn't that how it usually happens?

Permanence

"the property of being able to exist for an indefinite duration." Being an ENFP I don't favor permanence very often. I like keeping my options open but I'm realizing (especially in the past 2 days) that sometimes it's necessary and other times you have no choice. Yesterday, my housmate's grandma passed away. They were very close and several times I joined my housemate for her daily visit with her grandma. When I came home last night, my normal chipper housemate was curled up in her bed under her grandma's blanket. I crawled in next to her as she laid on my shoulder and cried. I have never lost a close family member so I know I don't understand her pain but even the permanence was a strange concept to wrap my mind around. Her grandma will never again be in her apartment.

On a different note...I had to tell a guy that was pursuing me that I could never see us dating. "Never" is a harsh word. I don't like saying it. I understand that you must be clear and honest with people but it just seems like a knife when you sever something permanently.