feelings

My counselor says I don't spend time with my feelings. I'm quick to put up a wall to anything painful. I know this. It's my coping mechanism. I have left too many homes, too many friends, too many loved ones to allow myself to feel the pain that comes with saying good-bye. If I keep looking toward the future and exciting things around the corner I don't have to remember the past.

Where are you, feelings?

I have been trying to spend time alone exploring that uncharted territory but not much is found. My heart is not my own to conquer. It has its own bonds with another outside of myself. When I am carefully focused on the present task at hand something pulls on those strings.
I'm attached.

If I cannot feel the warmth, or pain, or longing of my own heart it is another heart that calls to mine. I can feel the warmth and pain and longing of that heart thousands of miles away.
Soul connection.

I don't understand it...logic can't explain it...with each tug that soul makes on mine...my heart's door is inched open bit by bit. Come out, feelings. Break out and see...

My New Love

It has taken 24 years for us to meet but we finally did and I'm in love with dancing. This is the second weekend I've been to a local dance studio where they give an hour lesson and then open up the floor with a variety of music and steps. Tonight we learned the basics for Fox Trot and Lindy Hop Swing but also attempted Salsa, Tango, Cha cha, Rumba, Two Step, the Waltz and more. There is something so exhilarating about moving to music and allowing yourself to let loose. I danced with a bunch of people including my friend Andrea but Burt was my primary dance partner. The best part was we both didn't care if we looked ridiculous. We just made things up as we went with cheesy grins on our faces the whole time. I would love to get better and be able to look graceful on the floor. As for now, I'm happy with the exciting awkwardness of these early dates with dancing.