Temporary Madness

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

Congratulations to two of my favorite people, Rika and Aaron, on the beginning of your life together. Oct. 18, 2009

feeling rich

Generally I don't care for rain. Overcast days can bring my mood down but today is different. SoCal is mostly sunny so a dreary day is refreshing. I am introspective today. I feel like sitting by a window covered in rain drops and writing. So here I am. I feel content. I just had a long conversation with a good friend, received a post card from another, and got a package from my mom filled with tea, chocolate, and licorice...some of my favorites.

I have a proposal to write today to get approval for my small group to paint an old thrift store that is going under. We are going to try and revive it by giving it a major face lift inside and out. They give their profits to the nursing scholarship at Loma Linda so we would like to get them back on their feet. Soon the drab grey metal building will be bright red and white like a barn and hopefully new signage will come next.

The adult psych unit is interesting. We have patients that think they are the Hercules and Zeus, one that sees angels and demons, another that is "being followed by the pentagon because he found the solution for the world", and one that thinks all the staff members are different famous people. I'm Helen Hunt. It is never a dull day on the unit.

I can't explain the way I feel right now. It's sort of like the feeling I get when I watch the movie, "Away We Go." Do you ever feel like your life could be a movie? Or that you are watching yourself as an outsider. The soundtrack for my life right now is a Ray Lamontagne song and my day has been a contrast of melancholy feelings and happy/quirky/unexpected experiences.

I love it.

What I want out of life...

I want to be a grandma in a rocking chair that reads books to her grandchildren on her lap and then goes and climbs trees with them.

I want my conversations with my Father to continually get longer and deeper.

I want to always be full of love for people around me.

I want to wake up next to my husband when I'm 80 and we'll smile at each other, knowing we have had an amazing life together.

I want to speak gently and love unconditionally.

I want to kiss my husband every time he comes home.

I want my children to be thinkers but not afraid to feel. I want them to spend more time outdoors than inside and be known for their kindness more than any other attribute.

I want to get good use and wear out of everything I own and if I don't I want to be able to give it away without blinking twice.

I want to wake up to the words, "Good Morning Beautiful"

I want to go jogging with my fiance' on the morning of our wedding.

I want a slack-line, a tree house, a hammock, bird feeders, and a rope swing in my back yard.

I want to randomly go grocery shopping at 1 am with my husband.

I want to always be a loyal friend.

I want my day-to-day expenses to be very simple so that large amounts of money can easily be given to those in need or used for travel.

I want my door to always be open and friends to come over unexpectedly.

I want to live near a few close friends that become our family.

I want Sabbath to be the best day of the week for everyone in my home.

I want to run a marathon.

I want to live in Hawaii again.

I want to work in my garden barefoot, in a skirt.

I want to wear flowers in my hair at my wedding.

I want to regularly communicate with my husband from across a room with our eyes.

I want to live near water.

I want to take evening walks with my husband and hold his hand.

I want to always be able to feed who ever walks through my door.

I want family time be filled with laughter and teasing whether we're playing in the snow, on the beach, or cooking together in the kitchen.

I want to be my husband's biggest fan.

I want to let my kids keep any animal they bring home and help them raise it.

I want to regularly camp with my kids in the back yard and make blueberry pancakes in the morning.

I want to learn how to dance.

I want to travel.

I want my wrinkles to be from smiling so much.

I want to have soft sheets.

I want to ride a train a long distance.

I want my children to go climbing and snow shoeing with my dad.

I want to read books that enrich my life.

I want to spend more time building relationships than a career.

I want to live someplace sunny.

I want to be a missionary.

I want...