I have this internal struggle when it comes to conflict in my relationship with The man. When we are disagreeing on something or dealing with intense issues, my first impulse is to say, "I think we should break up." and then leave. You've heard of the "Fight or Flight" response. Well I'm set on auto-pilot for flying only. I like to avoid difficult interpersonal relationship issues by "calling off the relationship." or sleeping. Although when I wake up, the problems are generally still there ...or they've downsized A LOT and then I regret negative remarks I may have said or worse, proposing a breakup.
I feel so bad for The man because about once a month he gets dragged through the muddiness of my vacillating feelings. The first three weeks of the month are happy. I'm self-confident, he is romantic, and we are crazy about each other. Then comes week four. My hormones hit the fan and doubt rains down on our parade. I spend all day and especially right before bed deciding why I should break up with him. I tear him to pieces in my head and decide that he just isn't the one.
I hate this about myself. I don't know why I think breaking up will fix anything. This problem has been a common thread in my past relationships, and breaking up has obviously not fixed anything. A wise man once said, "When you have difficulties in your relationship, don't turn outward to other people or things. Turn inward to the other person to find solutions together."
I realize that I need to fix this. Whether it be through counseling or/and the help of God, I want to kick this habit and learn how to counter-react my emotions during those dreadful times...and keep my mouth shut about calling off the relationship.
Where do I stand at this moment? Beside my man, ready to face our issues and ready to run from the illusion that, breaking something fixes it.
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